Sunday, September 27, 2009

One of those weekends

Wow, oh my gosh, what a weekend!! This weekend was full of a lot of mixed emotions. And it has totally wore me out!!!!

Saturday after Kyle got home from work, we packed up and made our way down to Ratcliff for the weekend. The drive down was amazing, which is a rare thing for me to say. Most of the time while driving down there I am a nervous wreck! The roads are littered with big trucks and people that don't pay too much attention while driving. I have been praying a lot lately that God will ease my mind while driving and to learn to trust the other drivers on the road better. Thank you God for answering my prayers!!! Okay, back to the trip. So we get down there and Nathan jumps right in and starts playing with his cousins ( an amazing site I might add. I love to watch him play with other kids). I'm pretty sure he had a car in his hand the whole time we were there!

So while there, I was visiting with my mother-in-law. She informs me that Grandma is not doing good. She has been battling Alzheimer's. She is currently on the highest dose of medicine and it is not helping anymore. This breaks my heart into a million little pieces. She is the sweetest little old lady I have ever met. Her and Grandpa are still married, living in a tiny little house that they have lived in for YEARS!!! Grandpa Pete still gardens, he was featured in the newspaper last year for his garden. It has always been amazing. But lately is getting smaller and smaller. He is in his mid ninties and recently just quite driving! I almost burst out in tears when I was informed of the news. It breaks my heart to know that she is scared and confused and that she is forgetting who her husband is. And to top all of that off, The Notebook was on last night, and I turned it on just as soon as Noah walked in to Allie's room at the end, and they talk about their love for each other, as they hold each other's hands and join our heavenly Father together. I burst into tears as I watched it.

Fast Forward a few hours later.

This morning as I was waking up, Kyle's dad comes in the house very upset. I don't think I had ever seen him that upset! Late last night or early this morning his bull got into a fight with another bull and lost. He broke his leg and was in so much pain. You see Kyle's parents have a ton of cows on their land. And a family friend has land right behind theirs. He is also a rancher ( with a bull). He was warned not to put a bull in the back pasture because the fence was weak and there was no way it would keep them apart. Well needless to say he didn't listen.

And if you know anything about bulls ( I didn't) their purpose is to breed. Or at least his was. And if a bull breaks it's back leg ( like this one did) there is no way for it to mate ever again. So... bull can't mate, what is good for now? Nothing I guess :( so sadly, it had to be shot. I have never seen anything like this ever before. As sad as it was, I couldn't help but watch. As I stare out the back door looking across the fence and pond, I see said bull try to get up and walk. My heart ached for the bull. As it got to where it wanted to go, a cow came up and stood next to him. Sniffing him and standing there watching over him. My heart ached more. At this point I walk away for a few minutes. Kyle's dad comes in the house and he is talking to MIL about what they are going to do with the bull.

All along I've been wondering how in the world they are going to pick up the bull once it is dead. Well I got my answer. They used some kind of big machine that almost looked like a bulldozer ( no pun intended) and lifted him up on to a trailor. I am not sure where they were taking him. I hope not to the slaughter house. I do NOT want to eat that bull!!! For some reason this one is different than the other cows that I've eaten. Oh my gosh that sounds really bad. I just might stop eating red meat! I was also wondering why they can't just take him to the vet and get his leg set and let him rest in a stall or something till it heals. But I guess they will be replacing the bull with another one soon, and obvisouly you can't have 2 bulls together.

I have been sad all day long. I was trying to talk to my mom about it today, and almost burst into tears again. I don't like to cry in front of people, so I had to stop myself and leave the room. I'm not sure what my problem has been lately, but I can't seem to shake it. I've also been dealing with this over-whelming sense of fear or something. I'm not quite sure what is or why I'm feeling this way. It mainly creeps up on me at night. I pray that God will ease my mind, and that always seems to work. But I'm getting tired of it.

I think I'll be making a call to the doctor soon to see if I can get any happy pills, that may be what I need right now!.

I'm taking the first step now to getting back my happiness. I'll leave you with something good.

It was great to see Nathan with his grandparents this weekend. We haven't been down in months ( because of Kyle's job) so it was great to see him reaching to them, getting into things like he had been there every weekend or something. He was comfortable, which makes mommy comfortable.

No comments: